Thursday, August 31, 2006

more about enki

i just can't say enough about this curriculum. i feel like its changing my life, literally. its really an amazing thing. when you think of curriculum you think: teaching kids to read, do math, science, history, that sort of thing. the stuff we all learned in school. the stuff that bored us in school. the stuff i never really got into in school.

i swear, i really didn't enjoy learning much until i was an adult. i went to ALOT of schools...i guess i never got any kind of quality education. how many people really do? not even all homeschoolers do.

well with enki, its so different. its singing...LOTS of singing...its moving...creative movement to music...its playing recorder...its building things with natural supplies...its wet on wet painting...its reading lots and lots of stories...its playing with natural toys...its family time. its being being with nature. its collecting things on walks... it feeds the soul!! and there are some really deep explanations as to why all this is nourishing to young children and the alternative can actually be detrimental. i'm telling you this is really an amazing philosophy!! its not just education...its LIFE!

anyway, so i'm reading through these guides...for around $400 i got 7 or 8 binders FULL of info, 2 spiral bound enki philosophy guides, a video about enki, 3 song cds (each with like 30-40 songs...all different) and 1 or 2 (can't remember) dvds that show the movement activities...might be something i'm missing...i don't have it in front of me right now. i got the complete kindergarten package though. so whatever it says on the site.

anyway it took me quite awhile to decide to go for it and buy it. i knew i wanted it but i couldn't get myself to spend the money. it seemed like so much! well i tell that i have the materials. its WAY worth it. i can say that honestly. there's sooo much in here! and not all of it is just kindergarten. some of the guides are good through 5th grade, i think...some of the stuff carries over. so its not $400/year. its more for the first package. then its cheaper after this. i think about half as much. something like that.

well i just find myself so very excited the more i read! i'm telling you there's some cool stuff in here! well by my standards. not everyone would get so excited about all the nature projects and handwork (finger knitting, crocheting, making bags, dolls, etc), working with beeswax, making boats, kites and all kinds of old fashioned things. i love it! and maeven does too...i just feel like we are embarking on a really grand adventure.

i love reading that there's no hurry. i love reading that the core things in kindergarten are the simple things...the things that nourish their soul and are at the heart of all strong, healthy, loving families. reading stories to her daily...stories from around the world, because enki is also multicultural. oh! i read somewhere in the guides that when there is a cultural festival, like say chinese new year...if you have the opportunity to attend a community cultural event, do it! how cool! so when its coming up to chinese new year i'd like to try to go to san fran and attend their big parade and festival if we can. and find other big cultural events such as that...

i'm jumping all over here...just remembering some of the things i have really liked that i've read so far....

there's also the outdoors element. i've always meant to take my kids to nature regularly and never have. i can't seem to get out of the city. and i hate this city! ugh! but i have wanted a pass to the parks for awhile now and haven't gotten one and have wanted to just find someplace beautiful and natural, not manmade, that i can take my kids to regularly...well i just never have gotten around to it...but this curriculum recommends spending at least one day a week out in nature. even if that just means a park...the guide says to go to the biggest park i can find and just let the kids enjoy nature. walk slowly, look at everything. collect things. i love this! this will finally force me to do this! yay!

it also says we need an outdoor time daily...also a walk. as much as possible...daily if possible. so we've been doing that. i always meant to but just hadn' now we are. and it will get more frequent when it gets cooler. right now we have been doing it as early as we can, but can't always get out the door before its pretty hot. even by 9 its hot!

anyway, what else? oh...there's just a softness, a beauty to it...there's just so much about it that i am just completely in love with! maeven and i had been in a rut before i got this curriculum. i think we are finally going to find our way out of that and i've already seen a change in her since we started using the new routine. loosely, mind you...we are not following it to a T yet. but we're working up to it and the things we are doing are a vast improvement over just falling where we fell that we were doing before.

her behavior has been better as has mine. not perfect by any means...but i think this is a taste of what will become more of the norm once our full routine is in place and the curriculum going strong. i can't wait!

like i said...this weekend i'm determined that i have to find the time to read and figure out my activities for the coming months. i love planning things!

Yay Enki!!

i just have to share how completely happy (so far) i am with the curriculum i bought. enki education is just amazing. the more i read, the more i like. there are parts that i can't quite grasp yet...and maybe even parts that i will decide i don't agree with...but such is everything in life...i really think this curriculum is just the most awesome purchase i've made and i'm soooo excited to really dive into it!

we've been doing our new routine...still loosely, since i don't have all the curriculum planning done yet. and its going well...and i'm reading more and more each day...getting through these manuals and guides. there's a LOT to read! i'm ready to dive in and create our circle time and plan our projects!

maeven and i were going through the craft binder...WOW! some amazing things to do in there! she is just as excited to get started! i have to find time this weekend to finally get through making a plan and start a supply list so i can finally start doing the projects.

this is what i really love--enki, just like waldorf, is not about academics just yet...kindergarten is lots and lots of stories, songs/music, craft projects and play. there aren't any academic concepts introduced yet...indeed, their philosophy is that it can actually be detrimental to the young child. i have to agree. what's the all-fire hurry? i know preschool programs that are introducing reading to 4 year olds! if they initiate, sure, go for it, but the vast majority will not and i can see how pushing this too soon might even make them less likely to want to learn how to some children at least.

our public school system in america is just so screwy. they push way too much and they don't do a thing with some of the more important things. like--in early elementary they don't do science or art or music with the kids! how stupid is that? oh sure, the really good teachers find ways to squeeze it in...but in general its just not viewed as important so they cut it. its absolutely important! and that's what i love about enki...that all these things are integrated in all aspects of their curriculum. there is singing and art and science (nature) in most everything. and its viewed as vital to children's well-being. i totally agree!

i won't rant on and on about all the things i don't like about public school...i've already written this out quite well here. and all the reasons i believe in homeschooling. (its titled "why i believe in homeschooling".) but i just was thinking about public school just now and just thinking how sad it is. oh i'm not saying there aren't great teachers out there. i know there are. i have met many! and i have a very dear friend that is a public school teacher! but it just seems like the system overall is just so flawed. i just don't believe in assembly-line education, darn it! my kids are going to get way better than that!

maybe some day we'll decide that its time for our children to go to public school...we're taking this day by day, year by year...i don't know what's going to happen in the future. but for now...i just shudder at the thought that i could have been sending maeven to the public school around the corner. just not gonna happen. its not about me though...i KNOW that she's going to do, and is doing, soooo much better at home with me. even the best public school teacher in the world couldn't do as well for my daughter as i could here at home. and i'm so jazzed to be finally going forth into this adventure with her! so fun!!

now, speaking of adventure...its "adventure time" of day here now and we are off to the park to play with some of our fellow homeschoolers. (homeschool park day at tice park every thursday!) we haven't been in awhile and maeven is quite we're off!

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

That little stinker!

TOO FUNNY! Maeven and I were just sitting here working on her blog and we thought Tyren was sleeping on our family bed all of a sudden we heard a baby noise, IN THE HALL right next to us and here he comes, crawling into the office! He's NEVER done that before! And I have no idea how he figured out how to get safely off the bed!!! Very freaky and funny!

And he usually is very groggy when he wakes up...I've never worried about him on the bed because he is slow to wake up. Well no more, apparently. Not sure what I'll be doing now, argh.

Oh but he is so proud of himself! You should have seen his face, all happy and like "oh hello there Mommy and Sister...look at me, I'm a big boy! Yep, I got off the bed all by myself!!!"

OMG, that was just too funny!

Friday, August 18, 2006

to be or not to be brave, that is the question

ok so i'm on a roll...i want to talk about some other things that bug me...

there are some people out there...probably even more than i'm aware of because not everyone has made it obvious to me, i'm sure...who think that my daughter is way too sensitive.

these people think i should be doing something to toughen her up. i couldn't disagree more. well, i guess there are times i might agree, when i'm at whit's end, but then i go back to not agreeing, because i know my child and i know what she needs.

first, for those that don't know my daughter...she's hyper-sensitive. she is 5 and a half and has greatly improved in this area but its still there...perhaps will always be there...she's always been this way to some extent.

what i mean by hyper-sensitive is that if she perceives something to be scary or hard or sad or infuriating, she feels it to the nth degree...and often pitches a mondo fit about it, because she has a difficult time dealing with the emotions. like i said, not so much now that she's going on 6...but man oh man its been an issue for years. the biggest issue has always been fear--if she thinks something is scary she FREAKS out if she thinks i'm going to make her watch it. she doesn't trust me to not read or put on a scary movie. i DON'T know where this comes from because i never have tricked her or picked bad things for her...but i've talked to her about it repeatedly and she still freaks out even when i tell her that she can trust me to not trick her or pick something inappropriate. (i do think its more about her not trusting herself to be able to handle it though.) i know how sensitive she is...its only recently she's been able to handle the nu-nu on teletubbies...for some reason he really frightened her for years.

we don't do disney movies for several reasons...the first being i think they are way too violent for my children...but it was always easy to keep her from them because i explained they would be scary for her, which they would, because anything dramatic (especially with the dramatic music) is freakishly scary to her...when she was about 3 we tried watching the veggie tale jonah movie and she freaked out when they were careening out of control down the hill in the van near the beginning of the movie because of the intensity of that scene and from then until just recently REFUSED to watch any veggie tale show. before that she had enjoyed the videos tremendously. that ruined it for her. that's just how she is. she always has been.

another example...we made the mistake of trying to watch elmo in grouchland a few years back and as soon as elmo lost his blanket maeven was sobbing uncontrollably and we had to turn it off. we didn't even get to the part where the bad guy got it and refused to give it back (i watched the rest by myself later)...thank god cuz that would have probably traumatized her for life. :(

anything with dramatic music, or if someone's feelings get hurt...she just cannot handle. oh here's another example...she used to SCREAM "turn it off! turn it off!!!" whenever there was a crab on clifford...her favorite show...because the crab pinched one of the dogs and that freaked her anytime she saw the crab or thought that they were going to show the crab on the beach, she'd scream that at me and i'd have to turn it off. there were times when i would try to talk her through it and show her its ok, that everything is ok. but she just cannot handle it. she just gets so incredibly overwhelmed with emotion. and that scares her.

after watching the clifford movie she cried, no kidding, FOR 2 HOURS STRAIGHT!! (this is AFTER the movie ended) ...this because clifford was being held captive at this mean guy's mansion and they wouldn't let him go back to emily elizabeth. anything dramatic freaks her out. i made her sit with me and watch that through to the end because i knew that it would all work out and my thinking was that if she saw that it worked out happy in the end that she might relax and start to see that things always work out on movies and tv...but it backfired on me and she was soooooo tense through much of that movie that once there was a resolution that she just was exhausted from being tense and the anticipation of what was going to happen that she cried continuously for 2 hours afterwards! i learned my lesson.

she's just an intense little girl. always has been. and things just scare her that wouldn't scare other children. that's just who she is. i think its the emotions that scare her. intense emotions. and all her emotions are intense. she's like me in so many ways...i was always like this too, although not to the degree she is.

but there are those that imply...or downright tell me...that its because of something i'm doing that she is this way. that i coddle her. that's i'm sheltering her too much. i beg to differ. first of all, i think children NEED to be sheltered from the world...not to an extreme, of course, but to a degree. i don't think its good for kids to be aware of all that's out there at an early age. maeven doesn't need to be up on current affairs or aware of world issues. she doesn't need to know about child abductions and murders and molestations and other scary things like that. its my job to keep her safe and i do that. she doesn't need to have the troubles of the world on her shoulders. she doesn't need to know that people hit each other and hurt each other, at least not to the extent that they do...she is slowly learning some of its relevant, as it comes up...i don't lie to her...i do explain things to her. we talk about how some people are full of pain and hurt from bad things that happened to them when they were kids and so they say and do hurtful things. but she doesn't need to know the specifics of all the hurtful things that people are capable of...not yet. there's plenty of time for her to learn about the world's horrors when she's older and able to process it better...right now she needs to be a child.

that's one of the beauties of childhood, i think...being oblivious to all that's wrong in the world and instead focusing on the joys. she needs that. honestly i think every child needs that. i'm sad for the kids that are exposed to the drama and trauma early through family issues and whatnot...but sometimes that can't be helped. in our family, it can be helped. in our family there is no family violence and there isn't a mommy and daddy yelling and cursing and name calling...there isn't a divided family...there isn't disrespect and hatefulness...and there isn't any violent tv shows being played and there isn't drug or alcohol abuse, etc....this just is how our family is. she doesn't need to be exposed to things that aren't relevant to her immediate world. not now.

yes i do shelter her as much as i can...but not to a fault. and as she gets older i'm slowly letting her be aware of more things. we talk about images we see (sometimes things seen accidentally, sometimes intentionally) and we slowly process things. she's a very bright child. she has been doing very very well lately. lately it seems the freak outs tend to only happen regarding things related to her little brother and when she's low on blood sugar because she hasn't eaten in awhile. but i've noticed remarkable changes in her lately as she gets closer to 6. she's able to handle things more. and she's proud of herself for that. so am i.

i even took her to her first movie. i fully researched it first (would have watched it first if it would have been out on video)...there are websites that tell parents every potentially scary thing in a movie...and i felt she could handle the curious george movie. they were playing it at a local theater during their summer free family movies festival. she LOVED it! there were a few scenes that got a bit rough for her, but she handled it. we talked about it ahead of time that the movie theaters are loud and that there are scenes that could have intense music and perhaps might start to feel a little scary to her. we talked ahead of time about what to do when she felt scared...close her eyes, plug her ears, snuggle with mommy...and that if she was really feeling freaked out we could leave. that i would leave it up to her to decide if we needed to leave. there were a couple scenes that were a bit touch and go, but i talked her through them and she made it through it and really loved the movie experience! i knew she would, when she was ready. and with the right movie. i picked the right movie. curious george was really cute.

so i can tell that i'm doing something right because she is working through this slowly and she is growing out of this super sensitivity. like i said, probably she'll never completely grow out of it...but she is slowly getting braver and dealing with her emotions a little better.

what i resent is people that imply that i'm the one that is creating this in her and that what i'm doing is making it continue. this is just my little girl. i know there are other children out there that are equally sensitive because i've met them. this is just something that is innate in her. i did NOT create this.

and i don't agree that i should be encouraging her to be brave when she doesn't feel brave. there have been incidents where she will get hurt in public and i can see her work so very hard to act brave and hold in the emotions i know she is feeling (at home when she's physically hurt she just lets loose and screams her head off...she holds back in public)...and that just breaks my heart. i mean, yes, she shouldn't shriek her head off in public because that's disturbing for others to hear (disturbs me at home!) ...but she doesn't need to pretend to be brave when she's not feeling it. if she feels like crying, she should cry and get it out. now granted, i've been quite tired of all the crying over the years...i even consulted with dr larry cohen of playful parenting awhile back about how maeven cries about everything (he's a child psychologist and a fantastic author), and here's part of what he said:

"I understand your fears about her being rejected as a crybaby, but any efforts to pressure her to hold back the tears will certainly backfire--both with more tears or with all the problems people have from suppression of feelings. So, the question is how to really get them all out, in a time and place that won't get her targeted, which means at home with you...But I hear you say, she is crying over nothing. No, never. Children often cry over something tiny and not worth crying over, but that is just a pretext, the tears are always really about something real. We don't like to think of kids having so much to cry about, but they all do. (and now, she has tears about people calling her a crybaby!)."

i had written to him after having a frustrating week of endless crying (frustrating first 5 years!) and there had been an incident at a playground where a new friend didn't want to be around her because she was crying so much...long was very hard for me to read his response because essentially he was saying to encourage her to cry more...that she needed to get it all out and then perhaps she will cry less because she will have gotten it all out. not really what i wanted to hear, but it has been stuck in my mind ever since.

so when i saw maeven pushing back tears recently after getting physically hurt, i immediately went to her, away from the situation and encouraged her to express her feelings and she did and she cried and she got it out and she was fine. but the thing is that i was told that she was "so brave" in dealing with that situation (not seeing the tears that she had in private)...but she wasn't, that was fake...and i don't want her to be acting brave when she's not feeling it. and in order to encourage her to be brave, i would be essentially asking her to stuff her feelings and suck it up. i won't do that. that just doesn't seem healthy to me. no matter how much others think i should be encouraging her to be brave and suck it up, i won't do that to my child because i know that wouldn't be good for her. i know her and i know what she needs and she needs to get those intense feelings out. so i will be patient with her and i will allow her to have at least me (and daddy) as her outlet for those intense feelings that overwhelm her daily. and as time goes on, i hope and pray she will grow to be brave because she's been allowed to feel what she feels and sort through it all in her own time and way.

a little vent...ok a big vent

up early today...tyren was thrashing this morning as usual and then i had to pee...luckily he went back to sleep and its given me a little time to myself...we'll see how long it lasts...

but i have been really enjoying blogging lately so i thought "hey! i'll go write in my blog!" :)

so lets see...there was something i was wanting to say and now i'm forgetting what it was...

well lets vent... hehe

you know what i hate? i hate getting parenting advice when its not wanted. when i complain to anyone about something happening with my children my purpose is to vent...get it a little sob story out and then move just feels better to talk it out and complain. but unfortunately there are people in my life...and i'm not referring to just one person...there are several...who seem to feel that when i'm venting about my troubles with one or both of my kids that i'm asking for a way to fix it. i'm not.

its just getting very old. the funny thing is that this trait of thinking that you have to fix things is supposed to be a male trait, isn't it? well i have male AND female people in my life both doing this! it is really annoying. why can't i just vent? i'm not looking for you to tell me how i should be parenting!

i KNOW that i should be doing this that and the other thing....i KNOW maeven needs to have a routine (tyren too, but especially maeven) i KNOW my house needs to be cleaner...i KNOW that i need to figure out some new ways to discipline because some of them aren't working...why must people tell me things i already know?

you know what it says to me when people tell me things i already know? it tells me they think i'm an idiot! its like how my dad used to always say (over and over and over and overrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr again!!!! argh!) how i need to make sure to check and change the oil in my car because "you know, tina, you can ruin your engine if you drive it without oil." and i'd say "i KNOW DAD!" you've only told me this since before i started driving and i've heard it about a million times. that always made me feel like he was treating me like a i was some kind of idiot that didn't know this and had to be told it repeatedly. really infuriated me. (thank god he finally stopped doing least with that particular example, LOL!)

i feel the same way about when people state the obvious to me about my parenting. when i complain about something with my children and they tell me something i already know...friggin annoying! and when they try to come up with a solution to a problem i'm having and i didn't even ask for help...well it would be ok if it was something that they don't do over and over and over and OVER again...but it gets very very old when it feels like every single time that i am complaining that they have to give advice. ARGH!!!

i'm not sure how to tell people to just let it go! i don't want to hurt feelings, so i vent here and hope they don't know who they are. or hope they don't read this, lol!

i guess i could figure out a way to tell them to back off...kindly...but that's just way hard for me. i don't want to hurt feelings and i don't want to say things in such a way that i might ruin the relationship.


i was thinking about this the other day and wondering if i do this same thing to other i offer suggestions when they are not wanted? hmmmm...i don't think i do, but i'll have to watch and see. i thought about this after a conversation with one of my friends and i am pretty sure that when she was venting that i just pretty much said "that sucks". LOL or "that's hard". i think that's what most of need to hear when we are venting about parenting issues, unless we specifically ask for advice...just want to know that other people know what we're going through. misery loves company. it does help to hear someone say that they've been through the same thing...but not in a way that says "well WE don't have that problem with our child anymore because WE do this this and this..."

but anyway i'm going to try to watch myself and see how i respond to vents now cuz i want to make sure i'm not also doing this to other people. its possible i am...i am so not flawless...i know i talk too much and i have many many things that probably annoy the crap outta people. i could drive myself nuts picking at all that's wrong with me...but it just doesn't feel necessary. like someone wise told me recently.. "go easy on yourself mama!" moms are probably the hardest on ourselves. i'm trying not to be. its not productive.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

stalactite, stalactite

just heard this on the berenstain bears (maeven's watching right now)...thought it was a cute way to remember this and i wanted to write it down so i don't forget...

stalactite, stalactite, only caves have got 'em
tites are always on the top
and mites are on the bottom.


Sunday, August 13, 2006

violence, machismo and hatred, oh my!

i may be all over the place in this, so forgive me if i lose you. i'm really feeling intense about all this right now and have to get it down.

i don't usually follow the news. i try to not watch it actually. i always have. i don't like to sink into the negativity. it really infiltrates your life when you watch it a lot, i sure did during sept 11 when i couldn't turn the tv off for about a week. but then that was an extreme.

but local news is the worst. we live in an area with a lot of violent crimes and it just sickens me. i can't watch it. i know that its out there, why do i need to be reminded of it daily? i don't. and i truly believe that there is a great influence on my life and my being when i allow myself to get sucked into all that negativity. same thing for reading...i don't read the paper either. and i don't like reading books that are negative either, same reason. i don't get the appeal of authors like stephen king. it makes me ill to read that stuff. not that i have never read it...because i too have been pulled in like rubber neckers on a freeway after an accident.

but anyway i've always figured that if something important is happening that i should know about i will hear about it. always has held true. the morning of sept 11 we got a call from my mother in law to turn on the news. and everyone talks about big news, so it'd be hard for me to miss anything. if they mention something that i know nothing about, i ask about it and look it up on the net later when i can. if its something i feel i should know more about.

anyway, with the latest terror threat (that was caught before it could be played out), it just gets me thinking about how scary things are in the world. makes me feel unsafe. like there's no way to be truly safe. i guess there isn't.

i have to say i'm just so fed up with the whole middle east thing...i'm so sick of hearing about how they are always blowing each other up and all that. i just don't get it. i don't get it when people do crazy horrible things here either. i just don't get violence, period.

i don't get how one human being can hurt another, intentionally. i don't get it, and never have. i don't get how people can enjoy watching it (on movies and tv shows) and i don't get how people can reach a point that they can make it ok to hurt and kill innocent people.

i used to have a boyfriend long ago that was proud of his ability to fight. particularly, i think, since he was a wirey skinny guy. i thought back then as i still do now that this is just so friggin stupid! the whole machismo thing just doesn't do a thing for me...actually it pisses me off. one time this boyfriend came home with a beat up face, bandaids covering his lower lip where his tooth had gone through and his eyebrow where he had got hit, i think...and he was smiling in a kind of sheepish way when i saw him the first time and asked "what the HELL happened????" like i should be proud of him or something? he got into a fight because someone else picked a fight with him and he just couldn't let it go. why? why is it that some guys just can't let it drop?? like it diminishes their penis size if they walk away from a fight. how stupid can you get? i was so incredibly disgusted with this attitude and i think it was just one of the many reasons this relationship didn't work out with this person...we were just too different (although he may very well have outgrown that by least i would hope...he was still a teen back then).

but this macho attitude bugs me to no end. i know people like that in my life now and it never fails to irritate me when it comes out. (thank GOD i didn't marry someone like this, though...i couldn't have) its this sort of attitude that glorifies violence (and is just plain stupid) that i think has fueled the horrors in the world. maybe not the reason for it, but it can't help! and it sure keeps the movie industry making billions of dollars on horrific films. i don't get the joy of watching a movie where people are getting maimed and beat up and worse. i just don't get it.

back to the middle east thing...these are scary times with all the terrorist threats and the horrible things that are happening. but at the same time i always try to remember that this isn't something that is about a religion, or a culture, this is about a small group of people that have taken things to the extreme. its really hard though when we're bombarded by the images from the middle east all the time. its hard not to just think middle easterners in general are wacko terrorists. its really really hard. but i do know that this isn't true. i do know that muslims are not violent people. i do know that islam isn't about violence. hell look at all the horrific things christians have done in the name of god! the burnings times where they burnt people at the stake when they thought they were doing evil things (which they weren't), the crusades, and on and on and on...perhaps every religion has their time in the negative limelight where they do bad things. but its important to keep reminding us all that this stuff that's happening now isn't being done on behalf of muslims everywhere. its being done by crazy sickos that don't have their heads on straight and are so blinded by hatred of our culture...perhaps for things they have every right to be pissed off about (i don't know enough about all this to say for sure...but i know that america is not blameless in all this).

so, when garbage circulates the internet that fuels the fires of hatred against islam, and i know that islam is not the reason for these bad things happening...its specific people, not islam...when this crap is being passed around it pissed me off to no end! i recently got such an email that really set me off. i did manage, in my opinion, to word things very carefully in my response...trying not to be too harsh, but at the same time, i just could not let it go. just as i wouldn't let a person get away with telling a racist joke in my presence without expressing my disapproval. i feel it is important to stand up and say when something is wrong. i don't enjoy rocking the boat, but when its important, i'll do what i have to do. its really all i can do.

the thing about blogs...

is that they are public...well they are if you set them that way...and you set them that way if you want people to read them...

so i do want people to read mine...i like journaling, always have...i have stacks and stacks of notebooks filled to the brim with all my thoughts and things that happened in my life for years. its fun to go back and read sometimes.

but the thing with blogs is that they are not private like i have to think about what i put here. i have to be careful how i word things if i'm talking about a specific person. at least if i don't want to hurt anyone, which i don't.

so if i'm pissed off at someone or don't approve of something then i just can't write about it...or i have to tiptoe around it in such a way that if the person happened to stumble upon my blog (which i now include in my sig line on forums and all my emails, so of course people are finding it)...i won't get myself into trouble.

i really hate that. but at the same time i DON'T want to hurt anyone. or start something that could get really ugly. but i also want to be able to say what is going on in my life and what i'm feeling. it is MY blog, afterall, and MY feelings...

*sigh* life is so complicated, isn't it?

What Les Miz Character are YOU?

I'm Jean Valjean!

(No, really.) Some people may see me as a little sanctimonious, but though I care deeply about doing right, I'm not above a little skulduggery in a good cause. Being in touch with my spiritual side doesn't make me an easy target... on the contrary, in fact.

Which Les Miserables Character Are You?

A ton of great new links

i just stumbled upon some really fun things on someone else's blog...thought i'd share...

i already told you about the typogenerator (last post), now here's an avatar maker, a snowflake maker, candy heart maker, the mini-mizer where you can make lego people, and cool text site where you can make your own buttons and logos.

i'm having fun with all this! gotta show maeven the snowflake maker and the lego guy maker.

It's Never OK to Hit a Child

I just found this groovy thing on the net...its called a typogenerator. Its hard to get it to be readable but this one seemed to actually work...I really like the way it looks! Gonna play around with it some more.

Here's another.

Saturday, August 12, 2006

ok i'm not nuts

i've said for years that an old boyfriend of mine looked like ashton kutcher.

so today i'm farting around w/the computer, scanning old pics from my dorm life and i start thinking again about how much todd resembled ashton back in those i found a pic to prove it.

ok so they're not twins or anything, but the resemblance is definitely there, right?

so funny to me! all these years i've been a huge fan of that 70s show...for all the characters, not just kelso...and i always said that kelso looked like todd...but never actually compared...well there ya go. wild, ain't it?

Thursday, August 03, 2006

drama at the swimming hole

so maeven's been taking swimming lessons from the city parks and rec...they do them for $20 for 2 weeks (30min a day, M-F for 2 weeks) at local high schools. maeven started last year this time in the tadpoles that point never really having spent any time in a pool. just a couple times as a young toddler with me at a friend's house. i'm not a big pool person. don't care if i never go in a pool. so i just never really take the time to seek out a pool for my kid, i guess.

oh but she soooo loves it! just like her grandma, she's quite the little water baby. took to it right away and just loved the class. so this summer i signed her up again...but the next class up was full so she did tadpoles again...i was thinking she could use the review anyway since it had been so long since the last class. then we took a session (2wks) off and i got her into the current session...they had one spot left in the goldfish class and i put her in there. adam takes her every evening after work. he tells me the first day she's there that they asked the kids to swim halfway across the pool and when they got to maeven she was like "i can't swim!" so they sent her back to the tadpoles class.

i was just livid when i heard about this. i called to talk to someone in charge and asked at what point are they supposed to teach my kid to swim? she's already gone through the tadpole class TWICE, and didn't learn enough to get into the next class, so when exactly were they going to teach her to swim? well anyway someone talked to the instructor for me and told her to work with maeven so the next day i took maeven back to the goldfish class. the instructor was very sweet and really worked with maeven even though she so obviously needs a ton of one on one...she swims like a fish out of water, LOL! splashing around like a maniac and just sinking. too funny to watch. it just cracks adam and i up. but she is determined! man is that little girl determined to keep at it! i've never seen her attack something like that ever in her life! she tends to give up if she perceives something as too hard for her...not swimming, no sireebob! my little girl is a trouper, lemme tell ya! she splashes all over and keep sinking and they fish her out and she keeps right at it! LOL! its really comical to watch. and she does it all with a big smile on her face!

man does she love the water! so adam and i decided he's going to take her to the public pool on saturdays and work with her on practicing some simple swimming techniques...and during the week my mom is going to work with her...either at a public pool or if i can find a friend that will let us use their pool. i know maeven will just love all the time in the water.

its making me remember how much time i spent in the water as a kid. as an adult i could care less about the water but as a kid you couldn't get me out of it! my mom probably encouraged that...she's such a water person. she still goes swimming regularly...well she was for awhile there...that's how she exercises...i think she might be on a break now but she'll get back to it i'm sure.

i'm happy that maeven will get to have some special time with nana and daddy in the water. i can't go because they don't allow babies with diapers in the public pools, even with swim diapers. but if i can find a friend that will let us come over and use their pool i can splash about with him. that will be fun. just need to get a new suit i think...not sure i even have one! its been so long!

time for something happy

my kids are just so friggin adorable. they really are. i know i tend to whine a lot on this blog...its my way of venting...but i swear i have the sweetest kids on the planet.

tyren has been so funny lately...cruisin and checkin out everything. not trying to walk yet, but just pulling up on everything and anything. he figured out how to turn on and off the tv so delights in his new-found skill, over and over and over again...and screams bloody murder when you take him away from his "toy", LOL! much to his sister's annoyance. tonite maeven decided it would be fun to put a clear plastic bucket on her head (goes to one of tyren's new toys) and make faces at us...her squished nose made us just crack she put it on tyren's head and that really had us in stitches as he made a face and cracked up with us...with his head IN the bucket, LOL!!! too funny! adam tried to get some pics but of course missed the moment...i think he got one good pic but it wasn't the funniest. ah well. we all had a good laugh.

tyren is trying to sign and trying to talk...he's doing pretty well actually...although nowhere near what his sister was capable of at this age...but i guess its true what they say about boys being slower developmentally, as children...maeven was already signing a lot to us by 1...tyren has a couple signs that he will randomly use, usually copying us, but he seems to know what they mean...nothing really consistent that makes me feel for sure that he's gettin it though. and i sure would love for him to take off walking soon...i think he'll really enjoy it...i can just see his face now...i'm sure he'll be so proud of himself! for now he enjoys just holding onto everything and standing and climbing on everything.

maeven is creating things left and right...disappears for hours sometimes making "projects" and telling me "i want to be alone"...comes out with these elaborate drawings or creations...stapling homemade books together, gluing interesting sculptures (an igloo recently made out of styrofoam peanuts and a ton of colored glue), and lots and lots and LOTS of pictures....always tons of pictures. she truly is my little artist. she just can't get enough of drawing.

i've been a little sad lately that she's been so drawn to coloring pages...we printed some up for her recently from some kid little ponies being one of her current favorite sites...she now is telling me that she can't draw...something that seems to me i've only started hearing from her since she started being drawn to pre-drawn coloring pages... i've always tried to keep coloring books and pages out of our house for just this reason. but it was inevitable. and not something worth a big fight over. so i let her do them and she loves them. i just hope it doesn't affect her wanting to draw her own stuff...seems like it already has...but not too much...i'll just have to keep encouraging the free drawing and try to de-emphasize the coloring pages. i tell ya though, i always knew this was one of the reasons that i didn't like coloring pages...that kids begin to feel like they can't draw as good as the predrawn stuff...but i never saw it so blatant before. the things she now says to me about how she "can't draw like that" really is disheartening and downright shocking. proof positive to me that i was right all along to keep the coloring pages and books away from her. she's such a creative little soul...i really really REALLY don't want that getting squashed! but luckily she doesn't obsess too much on the coloring pages...she's still doing her own stuff i'll just keep watching her. :)