i mean, really...when????
i'm just going to whine a bit now...feeling like i just need to get it out of my system. ignore this post if you don't want to hear it because its not going to be pretty...but sometimes ya just gotta whine, ya know?
so we just got back from our "vacation", which was seriously more work than being home! supposed to be the opportunity to have a little peace and have the kids entertained at least a little here and there by nana/bompa while adam and i hopefully relaxed, just for a few minutes, on the beach...that sort of thing...ah, what a dream that was! i really thought that sounded so wonderful! but that didn't happen of course since adam wasn't even on the vacation with us mostly. so i spent 3 days essentially as a single parent...with grandparent help, of course...not completely without help...but not the same as daddy help. i was on 24/7 still. which of course, is being a parent, i know...but this vacation was supposed to allow us a little bit of break here and there, and i don't really think i got a single bit of that. ugh. *sigh* so no break for mama on vacation...and in a strange environment, tyren was even more work ...and maeven at times too...as meltdowns were pretty regular for both of them, whenever tired or hungry, which was often. and my parents don't have the patience to deal with it nor do i want them to have to deal with it. so that would be me...when normally daddy would be doing his best to help out. so i had maeven getting whiney just about every day for wanting ice cream or something to eat (she's the pickiest eater i know) or wanting to go in the pool...and being out of sorts from spending all day in the sun and water, at the pool or beach...and just exhausted and out of her element...and tyren bored to tears most of the time and getting into just about every mischief possible because he's just not into toys much and nothing we brought along with us kept him busy for long...and screaming in a hotel room while being shushed by everyone as we stressed over him disturbing neighbors...oh my god it was exhausting. and the suite was so NOT child proofed, of course (wouldn't expect it to be), so having to keep on him constantly ...thank god for dvds and cable and tv...kept him busy a lot with that...of course there were times to play at the playground and in the pool and the beach...but that was so tiring and we only had the 3 days--first day we didn't do anything because we got there late...second day we spent half the day eating bfast at denny's, then grocery shopping...then after we got back to the hotel, tyren had his nap while maeven went to the pool with nana...and when he woke up i took him down there too...that was fun. tiring but fun. :) next day it was half the day at the pool again for maeven and then we went to the beach for half a day where tyren finally crashed and took his nap in my arms. so its not like i actually get a lot of a break even when he sleeps, cuz he tends to sleep in my arms...wakes up when i try to put him down and then on vacation i just didn't even bother trying much because in the strange environment i knew it just wouldn't work. so really...what break did i get while i was gone? well sorta in the car...some...cuz they were both strapped in...but i did spend a lot of time handing things to them and changing dvds and trying to find things to keep tyren from screaming. luckily he sleeped for some of it. and maeven did pretty good for the car rides. so i got some break there, a little...and at least when tyren napped, even though he was in my arms, he was quiet and i could watch tv or read. in between struggling with him when he wakes up and squirms and thrashes, which he often does.
and legoland was just a lot of work. fun, but work. even with adam there...tyren got all cranky around naptime, as expected, and i thought he'd go to sleep easily and i could put him down in the stroller...NOOOooooooo, not my little stinker butt. he wouldn't stay asleep whenever i tried to put him down. i tried THREE TIMES! i ended up just having to hold him for his entire nap at legoland...wasted an entire hour...actually more (and he only actually slept about 40-45min or so) when we could have been doing something...ok, he's a toddler so he still needs to nap. not a huge deal, but frustrating because they're only open til 5 and time was running out. sooooo, did i get to go on many rides? nope. kept sending maeven to go on rides with daddy and nana and bompa. i got to stay with the baby most of the time...well its not a huge deal..except that last time i had to do the same thing cuz he was just a tiny baby then and couldn't be away from me...this time i did get to try a couple things at least. next time he'll be bigger. i did feel a little resentful though that this is our 2nd time to legoland since tyren's birth and i've yet to be able to go on any of the real fun rides...just the little baby rides with tyren. which is fun, yes, but i'd like to go on a roller coaster or 2 at some point too. well he'll not be a baby forever. out of his element he really wanted to be with mommy more than anyone, so of course i won't deprive him of that. but again...no mommy break. not a big deal, but tiring.
ok just tired and venting here...don't mind me...i'll get it out of my system and move on soon.
ok so we've determined vacation was fun, but not relaxing for me. poor mommy. woe is me. :(
now lets look at my daily life as far as mommy breaks are concerned. since i'm already feeling sorry for myself...might as well go all the way...
starting in the morning, tyren starts thrashing next to me as soon as the sun starts to come up...a good hour or more of thrashing and me being woken up constantly from about day break...if i'm lucky he settles down again for a little while and i can fall back asleep finally after about an hour or 2 of the thrashing...sometimes i wake up fully and once he gets settled i get up and find a little time on the computer for about a 30-60min span of bliss...uninterrupted computer time...ahhh, that doesn't happen much! then he's up...often he wakes me up and i don't get that uninterrupted time...usually he's up between 7 and 7:30amish. sometimes i'm up an hour prior, sometimes not. so then its just me and tyren while maeven and daddy sleep a little later...weekends daddy continues to sleep til about 10ish when i start to get really pissed that HE gets to sleep in and i NEVER get to. (although sometimes i am still in bed when he leaves for work at like 7:45am so he thinks i get to sleep in...but what he doesn't see is that 9 times out of 10 tyren has me up less than 10 min after adam leaves for work...its not like i EVER get to sleep past 8am...8:30am would be just amazing to get to sleep too...and is really late to me now.) usually just a little while before maeven's up...she's been getting up earlier and earlier lately...although still usually not til between 8 and 9am. tv on for the kids to let me catch up on some email and start bfast. but usually get all kinds of interruptions of cranky kids...diaper changes needed (he usually poops in the morning) and sibling fights and tyren getting into things he shouldn't and maeven demands of all kinds...wanting me to get her this that and the other thing.
after that depends on the day where we go from there...starting monday the schedule will change as we'll be fitting more school time in, since i'm starting to officially charlotte mason homeschool on monday. so lets just lump the morning into a big session of eating, playing and attempting to do schoolwork without the baby throwing too many fits and somehow fit some laundry and dishes into the morning as well. oh and somewhere in there we all get dressed. sometimes. LOL. earlier if we have to go somewhere. oh and the daily hair brushing fight with maeven. fun.
then lunch, which sometimes is home, sometimes out...then nap for tyren sometime after that...which sometimes is easy, sometimes hard...if we're out and about running errands or whatnot, its just wonderful because he'll often fall asleep in the car. i LOVE mondays because we get out of the house early and go to the discovery center where i chase after tyren while maeven does her science class and i get to get a tiny bit of adult conversation with fellow homeschool moms in between chasing after tyren...and then we usually eat out and then head to jen/thea/clem's house to play...which tyren usually falls asleep in the car and i get to sit in the car during his nap for a blissful reading time in the shade of a mulberry tree while maeven runs and plays. god i LOVE that time. sometimes he doesn't sleep long though. :( and then i get to chase after him to keep him in view...but often he'll play nearby while i get to chat with cindy and jen (homeschooling moms too, moms of the kids maeven plays with)...and that is just wonderful...LOVE LOVE LOVE mondays. and that's the whole day til we go home to meet daddy after work. fun day.
the rest of the week...different each day but essentially the days revolve around us eating and tyren's nap. once the nap happens (sometimes early, sometimes later) everything stops and we are all on hold. sometimes maeven entertains herself. sometimes we haven't had lunch yet so we have to wait til he wakes up cuz i can't put him down and i cannot fix lunch with a 33lb baby in my arms. and sometimes, more and more lately, thank god, i can actually get him down in the bedroom for short periods and actually accomplish a little housework or a little school work or special snuggle time with maeven. that's a wonderful time.
then the afternoons when its getting closer to daddy coming home...meltdown time for all of us and by the time daddy is home i'm at whit's end and exhausted and no patience left. baby has meltdowns left and right as we try to figure out what to eat for dinner...and making dinner...and i HATE cooking so its stressful enough. we eat LATE cuz we put it off every nite. and i HATE grocery shopping so we often have to eat out cuz there's just nothing to put together. *sigh* that's changing slowly though cuz that's one of my goals. working on it.
so daddy comes home tired from a long day at work...often working late so i'm even more frazzled because i've had an hour or more of hearing that he's not coming home yet and i'm ready to throw the kids at him by the time he gets home. and run out the door. doesn't happen, but one can dream!
then bedtime is shortly after dinner...we eat all our meals late late late...same time span between them as other people...just our meals are later by a few hours. dinner which usually involves a struggle with our picky eaters and everyone melting down at the end of the day and tyren clinging to me like a 33lb barnacle despite "fun daddy" trying to entertain him, but he wants nothing to do with that, oh no, of course not...and i collapse in the rocking chair after wrestling the baby into pjs and a new diaper and nurse him to sleep while i get to watch tv and adam is putting maeven to bed. god i love that time. i almost always fall asleep and stagger to bed with tyren a couple hours later...before midnite. pretty typical day.
oh and then bedtime with a nursing cosleeping toddler. i wouldn't have it any other way right now cuz i know that's what he needs...and honestly i love sleeping with the children right there (maeven is in her twin bed over next to daddy's side of the bed)...but tyren hasn't always slept well...in fact more often then not he is a crappy sleeper...lately not so bad, but not great. he is a thrasher...and he nurses much of the nite. so even in my sleep i get no break.
so tell me...where in there does mommy get any kind of a real break? and i have people in my life...multiple people who shall remain nameless...who think i should somehow in there be able to be keeping my house clean too? yeah right!
and then i have my darling husband who tries to help but the baby won't let him take him off my hands much of the time...and anytime i go out for some time away from the baby...like today maeven and i went to go get a silk moth box since we needed one with a lid...more on silk moths later...its always a big deal for me to leave the baby, either on the baby's part (crying) or daddy's part (very hesitant for me to go since he doesn't want to baby to freak out)...and i end up only getting to be gone for like 30min or so before i'm getting a phone call saying the baby is crying for me and to come home and grumpy daddy and baby when i get back. ugh.
so where oh where do i get a break? i sure as hell am done with having kids cuz i'm not going through this phase again...toddlerhood is the hardest phase so far. i know he will outgrow it eventually...but i tell ya i'm on the verge of insanity much of the time. i know any mom reading this that is currently parenting young children can relate. i'm not unique. i just needed to vent.
its my blog, i get to vent when i want to. so nyah! *sticking tongue out*
there...mommy whine finished...back to our regularly scheduled...break-less...grind.
(hell, i'd even take the childless, big ole poop break that daddy gets! *I* don't get that! i get company in the bathroom usually! and never that length of time! not that i need it...but i'd take it if i could!)
ok really done whining now. can i have some cheese now?