i'm back to that kind of stress where i feel the walls closing in around me. after i write this i'm going to gather my kids and run some errands and get outside and breathe some fresh air and try to forget for a little bit.
what's stressing me? money. always money. especially right now. we have this blasted "big room" remodel (after the toxic mold situation) that we are always always always stressing over because we're short on space without that room...over a year now...and we have garbage bags full of the stuff from that room crammed in every spare corner and filling up the shed (all of which still need to be wiped clean with mold killer...but since i have no place to put the stuff now...there it sits in bags). and my son doesn't have a room and its starting to be a problem. and all of this is because of money. because we don't have the money to hire someone to just finish the damn thing...so we are relying on our brother-in-law, who's wonderful, but has a busy life. and so we keep having to wait and wait and wait for the damn room to be worked on! weeks keep going by with nothing done. then a spurt of work, then nothing for weeks. and right now i am ready to just charge the damn thing and get the damned room DONE!! because its a lot to ask rob to keep giving up his weekends to do this for us and its a lot for us to have to keep WAITING and WAITING for it to be DONE!!! its so friggin stressful all around!!! so what to do? hell if i know!
and then...there's more money problems...we have figured it out that adam's paycheck JUST covers all our necessities. all the regular bills. nothing else. i mean nearly to the penny. and then there's always this time of the year that has all kinds of things happening...halloween, maeven's birthday, adam & my birthday, then my brother's birthday, then tim's birthday, then christmas. oh forgot about thanksgiving. not costly, but we usually have to bring some food.
all that costs money. and of course with the country being in the financial state its in, its not a surprise that adam's work is barely managing to keep afloat. and so that will probably mean no christmas bonus this year...and that bonus usually pays for all of christmas and then some. so that means we are counting on not getting one, just in case. which means we have to worry about where the hell to get money to pay for everything. which means that adam needs to make some money and there's not a lot of freelance work available right now. and every bit we get we keep feeling like it needs to go into the big room...but then there's no work being done on it most weeks, so the money keeps getting friggin eaten away!!!
its sooooooooo frustrating!
so we are looking at canceling our trip to marine world. since we just don't have the money. our annual homeschool days at marine world trip is really fun, but it will be so stressful since we cannot afford it! my mom has offered to pay, but i don't know...we'll have to think about it some more.
anyway, i'm stressed. we have not enough money and we have lots of things that need money. ok i need to get away from this stress now.