Sunday, May 03, 2009

can you say OBSESSED?

so this whole weekend i've been obsessively thinking. i said in my last post that i'm on a jag. it seriously is. i can't stop my brain from spinning! the last 2 nights i've been unable to sleep til after 2 or 3am! and last night was extreme...i had lack of sleep from the night before being up til after 3am (and really it was probably past 3:30 by the time i actually fell asleep since i couldn't stop my brain even after i laid down)...but i was determined to go to bed early last night (midnight is early for me), and did, but had to get up again. my brain was just spinning too much and rather than waste all my time not sleeping and not being able to stop thinking...i finally got up and wrote and wrote and wrote and WROTE, and thought and thought and thought and THOUGHT. and got pages and pages jotted down of ideas. (this is all discovery center related, mind you, so it was focused thinking) for 2 hours. and then went to bed after 2am and struggled some more to get my brain to shut down so i could sleep. seriously. it has been an extreme weekend of thinking for me. wow.

but i'm someone that believes that things happen for a reason. for the most part. so there's got to be a good reason that this is happening right now. these thinking jags have happened many times before and many times it has led to my helping to create wonderful things. i'm not making this up...i'm not all brainstorming and no action...i really have created many things from this sort of thinking...in no order: BabyFest, The Learning Village, FresnoAPMommies, FresnoFamily, MommyChats, the mommy & me classes that i started at the discovery center which led to my in-home mommy & me classes, which led to my book...etc etc...there's a long list at this point of things that i've created from my brainstorming, things that actually have turned out really neat...

maybe its time that i make a real difference in fresno. maybe that's the reason for this particular jag.

because that's exactly what i'm brainstorming. making a difference. well not really for that reason, not to make some wonderful thing and get recognition...that's never my purpose. my purpose is always that *I* want something to happen...for MY kids and MY family...really, selfish reasons...but i also realize at the same time that others would benefit as well.

so, not being someone to sit around and wait for someone else to MAYBE get around to making these things happen...i am very much about diving in and making it happen myself. because i'm impatient and not a little bit (i think) ADD. maybe even ADHD. heh.

i'm not saying everything i've ever brainstormed has come to fruition or has even always been WORTH pursuing. i'm sure plenty of the stuff i wrote about last night won't ever happen, and maybe it doesn't matter. but if just SOME of this stuff is able to happen...i am VERY excited by the possibilities.

but this is the point where i sit on it for awhile...after i get all the brainstorming done...i don't move yet. i keep thinking, and sit on it...and think...and research and talk to people...and think...and i'm learning (from many mistakes), that this is a better way to do things than to go off half-cocked and overwhelm others.

besides, i'm not above admitting some of my ideas are far too outlandish to actually even deserve to make come true. (i'm the bride-to-be from 1998 that had this idea to have people sing and dance to "celebrate" by kool and the gang on the way to my wedding reception. *sigh* yes, my brainstorming does sometimes go in a frighteningly corny direction...luckily i came to my senses before even suggesting that silly idea. LOL!) and so its good, i think, that i've figured this out and put things down on paper and think and think and think on them before going further with them.

plus i've learned that its not good to unleash all of me and my ideas on poor unsuspecting people. i tend to brainstorm outloud a lot...with friends/family...but i'm learning to not do this to acquantances and people i have a professional relationship with.

i'm maturing enough to figure out that my ideas need better formulation and planning and organizing before i unleash them to those that would be needed to help make things happen. '

so no, i will not being taking my pages and pages of notes to the next discovery center board meeting. and i'm pretty sure none of the people on the board read my blog, so they won't get overwhelmed by all that has been going on in my brain, LOL! and i won't bore my 2 readers (or so...can't imagine there's more of you out there, LOL!) with all the details either. it wouldn't mean the same to you that it does to me. :)

my husband, on the other hand, does get more of the brunt of it, but buck up honey, that's part of the marriage contract sweetheart! LOL! you get me and all my intensity and quirks! :)

i do have some sensitivity though...i made sure to let him know today when i was filling him in on some of my thinking...that he'll be happy to know that most of what i've been thinking involves someone ELSE doing the actual work! :) because i can just see him going "oh great, we're losing her again...just when she finally let go of babyfest".

nope, my priority is still my family and the learning village. those are where i need to be. but there's no reason i cannot set the wheels in motion to make great things happen still.

and a final note...what did i read this morning when i turned on my computer? my friend barry falke, the director of our local rotary storyland and playland, wrote this.

methinks i'm not the only one on a thinking jag. GO BARRY!!!

(**making mental note to include thinking on how to get more of the family oriented nonprofit businesses such as storyland/playland involved with each other in some sort of a partnership, and coordinate some of our energies for the better of all fresno area families!)

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