My dad understands...

"I don't know how you do it all!" and similar comments is something I hear at least weekly from everyone. From strangers, from friends, from loved ones, from EVERYONE. And while I know it is well intentioned, it really wears on me sometimes. Hearing it so much, it starts to make me feel like maybe they mean I am doing TOO much, in which case I am feeling judged. But I know that's just my own insecurities talking...no one really means that, right? Well maybe some of the strangers, but certainly not my loved ones and friends. I know y'all mean well. Its just tiring to hear all the time.

Because honestly, most of the time its not really a big deal to me. I mean, all that I do. This is just who I am, and always have been. I have always tended to do things big. It just exploded in me when I became a mom.

Really, when I think back I can remember the beginnings of this in me. I remember the puppet skit I created to explain the existance of Santa Claus in conjunction to the Christian idea of Christmas when I was like....what?....12? And we did perform that in front of an audience several times, as I recall. And got great reviews! Also became the puppet troupe organizer as I decided what skits to do, in what order, with what puppets in what costumes. I was maybe 11 or 12.

Our family were professional puppeteers from the time I was about 10 or 11 until late teens...we performed Christian skits at church services all over. Complete with a full stage and sound system, head set mikes, script holders, the works. "You're catching flies!" was a frequent phrase we would whisper in each other's ears when we would forget to close our puppet's mouth during a skit. My dad still has all the gear, though it never gets used anymore.

When I was about 13, I wrote a Christmas play and organized the kids (only a handful of us) at the church we were at in practices and acted in it as the narrator (a doll telling a story to other toys) on Christmas eve, guiding the little ones to their spots around me and reminding them what to do.

I also taught Sunday School to preschoolers when I was 13/14, and again in my early 20s, when I also took on Junior Choir and a full-on musical producation of a Christmas play that I found and took 8 weeks to get the kids and everything needed for the production including choreography and found people to build the stage and the sound system and the works.

I guess it started small and just built and built as I got older...now, thinking back, I always was sort of a leader of sorts...Ok, bossy is probably a more appropriate word, as my younger brother (by 2 years) can attest to. (Incidentally, Maeven is the spitten image of me not only physically but personality-wise...guess what's probably in her future? Yup, another leader in the family, you betcha...she's already organizing parties and clubs with her friends.)  I seem to recall always insisting in being the one that guided our pretend play from a very young age. *sigh* Maeven's doomed. LOL!

By the time I became a mom I had already all the above under my belt, as well as organizing lots of other things that I'm just forgetting right now...oh yes, I remember organizing a whole school sing at Harmony Day School for the talent show one year...Not that everything always turned out really great, but I was the brain power and drive behind so many of these ideas that just drove me to move mountains to make things happen. It was fun. Still is.

And SCICON was probably the thing that finally got me the training I needed to do these sorts of things well, finally. Not that anything before SCICON was bad, per se, just not as good as after SCICON. SCICON gave me the training to do it better. Having to get over your fear of standing up in front of over 200 people (mostly 6th graders, but high schoolers and teachers too) and teach them and lead them to sing songs and dance dances every week will do that to ya.

But my dad understands. We discussed it just the other day. My dad is a United Methodist pastor. Was my whole life, except for the chunk of time that he was a Navy Chaplain, but really that's the same thing but with a military twist. So I grew up watching my dad lead. And create and organize. And lead some more. Always leading...songs, activities, charity projects, church services, performances,dinners/lunches/brunches/breakfasts, fundraisers, groups, etc etc etc...the list goes on and on and on. Preachers/Chaplains do a LOT, lemme tell ya.

"You get that from me," he told me just the other day. I do. And I'm damn proud of it. My dad is the most amazing man I know (next to my husband, of course...but in very different ways) and I'm very proud to be just like him in this regard.

But I don't do any of this stuff for anything other than my strong desire for something to happen and knowing that it won't happen unless someone makes it happen...So why not me?

I can't always even really say why I do what I do, but its not hard for me. I am driven like a maniac when I have a fire lit under me about something. A passion that can only be dealt with by going full tilt to accomplish something that makes me happy to be a part of it.

And sure it feels nice to hear others say they appreciate what I've done. Everyone loves compliments and pats on the back. That's not why I do what I do, but I won't deny that's a nice side benefit.

So whether its the Fresno BabyFest or The Learning Village or the Fresno AP Mommies or www.fresnofamily.com or www.mommychats.com or whatever my next project will be...Please don't think that this is a big deal to me, because its really not.

Its just who I am. Ask my dad. He understands. :)

choked up today

today is martin luther king, jr's birthday. so i got some books on him and his life. unfortunately only one picture book came in so far...and one longer book that is too much to sit and just read to maeve (she'd never stay interested)...hoping more of the picture books come in this week...

anyway so we're reading MLK's story today and i got all choked up! seriously, i canNOT believe that this country of mine could ever be so absolutely horrid!!! i mean, i believe it but it STILL shocks me!!! doesn't it shock you??

i was reading about MLK to my daughter...her first time hearing about him, i believe...and i was really hit hard by what he did for us! he seriously was a HERO!

and then, the comparison some people are doing with obama. i get it. sure, its not exactly the same...but perhaps we'll see some degree of similar change in the next 4 years. there's so much hope in the country right now. its really wonderful to be a part of!

and *I* can proudly tell my children that *I* helped make history happen! because *I* voted for obama! and i'm very proud of that! i'm proud to have been a tiny piece of history! it just occurred to me that that is what i did and it really makes me feel good!

oh there is so much hope in the air in this nation right now...i really think this is going to be a fantastic time to be an american!

tomorrow we get our first african american president. it was only a little more than 45 years ago that MLK made is "I have a dream" speech in washington D.C. ...isn't it just AMAZING how far our country has come in such an incredibly SHORT TIME??? a black man as our president, just 45 years after MLK's fight for equal rights for blacks!!! how unbelievable is that???

what else is going to happen? what else will i live to see? what will my kids live to see? the possibilities are just endless! this really is an amazing country! we learn from our mistakes and we move on to bigger and better things...i am really proud to be an american today. :)

oh gosh, choked up again!

i love rainy days

so funny...today i was driving in the greyness of today (which eventually started raining)...and was thinking how i really wanted to blog about it. :)

i love wet days...not when there are tons in a row (but we don't get much of that happening in the central valley)...but here and there...i LOVE them!

today i was driving my kids around and it was grey and gloomy and i just loved it because it started to get wetter and started raining...in fact i was listening to the radio (something i don't usually get to do with maeven in the car, she insists on specific cds...but this was after i dropped her off to play at a friend's house) and the perfect grey day song came on for me..."sunglasses at night" by corey hart. i LOVE corey hart! i was a HUGE fan in the 80s.

this was my FAVORITE album, back in the day! (this is "boy in the box", and didn't have "sunglasses at night" on it...but this was my FAVORITE!)

oh my, i love youtube! here's the song:

so funny cuz that's the first time i've ever seen that video.

oh lookie, he has a website! WOW, he still looks good! :)

anyway, so that song came on...and i was immediately in an even better mood...the greyness was nice, but corey hart ROCKS! LOL!

then it started to rain...i'm stuck in traffic but i don't care! cuz guess what came on next? U2!!!



just gorgeous! i ADORE U2 too! :) this band always makes me remember an old boyfriend (high school days) who was really into them...but i just adore them for the tingly good feeling from all the intense emotions their songs evoke and all the good stuff that i know that band has done.

bono and corey on a rainy day...could it get any better??

wow and then i drove past shaw and blackstone where there was a protest going on against israel? something about israeli acts of terrorism in gaza? i still don't know anything about this but there was a LOT of people out there on the corners...with signs and banners and peace flags and a lot looked of middle easter decent and had some strong emotions on their faces...it really touched me to see people standing in the rain on a cold day, nearly dark (and after dark when i went by them again later)....to feel so strongly about something to do that...it was really intense for me...i choked up and my eyes filled with tears. that's not something that happens often to me. i now need to do a little research and learn what it was they were protesting because i haven't a clue.

but wow, what a day. great music, great weather, great emotions. i'm feeling really high on it all.

and then i got home and told adam about it and it got me to reminiscing about when i lived in new jersey...because it rains a LOT there. but it rains more during warmer weather...all summer long, in fact. it almost never rains here when its warm. in jersey we could go out and play in the rain...and enjoy killer thunderstorms. and i remember how the wet asphalt from the street would smell SOOOO good when it rained...and the way the electric lights reflected off the wet streets. oh there was no feeling like that! its difficult to put into words.

i remember i used to love driving around in my little '64 bug in the rain with the windows down to smell that wonderful rain smell and hear all the nighttime rain sounds of the town i lived in. there was this one intersection in particular that i just ADORED. it was a busy intersection with gas stations on every corner...and i used to keep doing circles to come back to that intersection over and over sometimes cuz i just LOVED the way all those electric lights were just a rainbow of beautiful colors bouncing off the wet streets right there...and the sounds of the cars and people and just the smell and it was sooooo uplifting to me. it was like a life high. i get highs off of lots of things about life, LOL...i'm just funny that way.

certain songs...certain smells...certain commercials or tv show scenes...of course my kids and my husband...i often get a tickly tummy about a loved one from loving them so much for something cute or funny or (in my hubby's case, sexy) fun that they do or say...there's a lot in life that excites me and gives me a high. its so cool! i LOVE it! :) who needs drugs?? LOL!

anyway, it was a good day. :)