So we're venturing into the charter school realm...

I founded The Learning Village Homeschool Resource Center a couple years ago because I had heard about this fabulous homeschool charter in Visalia (an hour away)...and I wanted something like that here in Fresno. I decided, after many online discussions with local homeschoolers, that we could make that happen here and went about making it so. I got our 501(c)(3) status and founded and led the board, and did nearly all the classes myself, and enlisted help in other areas as needed...And it seemed so promising initially...there was lots of interest and lots of people who said they'd help. But as time went on, I became more and more frustrated as everything and everyone fizzled.

I ended up cancelling all the classes from lack of attendance...And due to a difficulty in getting any help with the program or governance of the organization...I became extremely disheartened and my own energy and passion for this dream fizzled and has practically died at this point.

Apparently Fresno Homeschoolers simply don't want a homeschool resource center.

OK, so I'm facing this reality...and hating it...and pissed as all hell about it (why did so many people say they DID want it when I started throwing out the idea? Why did people say they'd help then never stepped up to the plate or then disappeared once things were finally happening?) But life must move on.

I'm not completely giving up on the dream. The lending library is still there and waiting to be organized and made available. I fully plan to continue with that...and keep the nonprofit status for that library. I plan to get all those items online and visible and once the library is ready, start making it available to local homeschoolers again. We've even decided to drop the membership rate significantly to make it more accessible to more people...But I don't hold a lot of hope that this will help. I've come to be so disheartened by the homeschoolers in my area that I just don't expect anything to work anymore.

I get that not everyone wants what I want. I get that. So a lot of our local homeschoolers don't feel a need for more activities and programs. That's fine. But I never would have even attempted this if I hadn't gotten a LOT of positive feedback.

I grew up in a church community...I'm used to being surrounded by a community...I no longer attend church so I naturally have wanted a homeschool community around me. But the Fresno homeschool community is so fractured into pieces. And those in any one of those pieces that are well organized and cohesive are perfectly happy and not interested in anything else. These are the religious groups typically. That's fine and dandy. I wanted to bring all these groups together in The Learning Village and find a way to have one large cohesive group of ALL local homeschoolers...I seriously believed "If you build it, they will come." Not so in Fresno.

I've just gotten so fed up with the failure of so many businesses and ideas in this area. I've talked at length with other people who attempt to organize groups in this area and they all say the same thing...that people in this area just don't want to commit. They lack in follow through. I don't know if this is really true or not...but its been my experience. And I keep thinking that no, its me, that I've been a lousy leader...that I've not done what I need to do to get things going properly....But then I think about all that I HAVE done. And yes, there's always room for improvement...but it really comes down to a lack of support in the things I'm trying to do. It ALWAYS ends up being an issue eventually. I've done a LOT of things here in this area...but nearly all of them have fizzled and died or fizzled down to just a simple online group (where there are no commitments necessary...and most members don't even post!) because anything more just hasn't gotten the people behind it to make it happen.

I cannot do it all on my own. I just can't. I keep thinking I won't have to...that if I start organizing things that people will naturally just join in and help out. They don't. Or not for long. Its SOOOOO FRUSTRATING!!

So I'm about at the end of my rope. I'm done. I'm just not going to organize things that no one wants to help with, or even take the time to attend. I'm just so done. I'm so very fed up and pissed off and DONE. (And right back at desiring to move away again.)  And its so sad and exhausting. Sad more then anything. :(

So I went back to the original desire I had for Eleanor Roosevelt (that Visalia charter I mentioned earlier)...and finally have decided that even though I never wanted to be plugged into the public school system in any way (don't get me started on all my reasons...I could go on for hours...)  I decided, after looking further into it, that this particular homeschool charter could be the best of both worlds. I have talked a LOT to friends that have been going there and what they like about it...and I even went down there and visited last week. I LOVE IT. Hopefully the reality of the programs will be as awesome as the stories I've heard...We'll see...Worse comes to worse, it doesn't work and I'm back to where I have always been...in having to create something myself. But I have very high hopes that this program will be just what I've been wanting.

Yes, I have to drive about an hour (one way) to get there...but we will only go once a week for the enrichment programs. I have a dear friend that has decided to give it a shot as well and carpool with me and split the gas money. I am going to give this a shot and sincerely hope its just what I have been desiring.

This place just sounds fantastic...very open to what *I* want for my kids....letting me have the flexibility to choose the style of education my children get...but provide guidance for me. They have a community which sounds like just what I've been looking for. They have enrichment programs and outings that I have been wanting for myself and my kids...AND I DON'T HAVE TO ORGANIZE IT!!! And its FREE! (public school charter, funded by public school funds.)  Wish they were closer but at this point, I'll take it.

I'm VERY EXCITED about getting started! Will be updating here when we get some things to report about. Wish me luck! :)

bummed

found out today that we will no longer be able to afford maeven's art classes. :(

i'm SOOO bummed! the place we've been going for about 4 years now is truly awesome, but very pricey...i had a deal with the original owner for free classes in exchange for advertising her biz on my local family website. then she sold it and the new owner offered me a deal where i could get every other session free... after doing this where we skipped one session (the one we didn't get free), i came up with the idea to do half price all the time and she agreed. i just couldn't see maeven having to have gaps in her art education like that. sessions were typically 8-10wks. so that went on for about 3yrs i think. half price. it was wonderful! and maeven adored her teacher, who also is the owner. and i loved it because for a change i found a place that really was in sync with my very opinionated views on art experiences for children! LOL! (i've been to art experiences around town and most all have been just crap.)

well i found out today that she can no longer do the half price deal and now we'd have to pay full price. i calculated it out and the full price for one art class next session is $25.83!!! ay yi yi!!! WAY out of our budget! even at half price we were scraping to come up with the money for it. i don't even have health insurance, but i was finding money for my daughter's art classes. well, sadly, we cannot do it anymore. not for that price. :(

i'm really bummed!

looking into other options but i don't have a lot of faith that i'll find any other program that will fit my philosophy so well. hoping i can find something that is "good enough" though. looking into it.

i'm just in shock over here over those prices though....guess the program is aimed at those with higher income. i had no idea we were so lucky getting the classes for what we were! that explains why none of our friends ever went. they're all pretty poor like us! *sigh* it sucks. ok we're not REALLY poor, but lower middle income, i'd say. i guess that's the price we're paying for me to be able to be home and give our children a quality education. minus the fabulous art program now, unfortunately. now i have to add art experiences to my FULL schedule of things to do for maeven. *sigh* like i don't have enough to do. i was really glad to have that one subject pretty well covered and just providing her supplies to do free art at home whenever she wanted. that class gave her the diversity of new experiences and supplies we didn't always have here. ah well. maybe i'll find an alternative we can actually afford. we'll see.

mad dash for preschool

recently i got word from someone joining our local homeschooling group that they weren't actually going to be homeschooling but were looking for help with doing preschool for their 3yr old. that's fine, some people do consider themselves "homeschooling" preschool. i've heard it said.

but she seemed pretty frantic to get some "schooling" for said 3yr old. this i find sad.

i'm of the mindset (for our family, i don't claim to know what's best for other families...but that isn't going to change the sadness i feel for other kids when things are, in my view, sad for them...much as christians feel sad for nonchristians. we're all entitled to our feelings.) of very little (or no) academics for the little ones. so rushing to get academic learning set up for a 3yr old, who is still little more than a baby, is just sad to me. although...there is an exception to this in my mind...because i may be in this position real soon...a younger sib that wants to "do school" like older sib...i can understand a mom following his/her interests in that...especially if it ends up helping the parent to focus on the one-on-one teaching that they need to be doing with the older. i may very well do some academics earlier with tyren because of this sort of situation. he always wants to do whatever maeven is doing. we'll see how it goes.

but anyway, while discussing the mad dash for preschool with a friend, i was reminded that if this mom was sending him to public school eventually, that she DOES need to cram as much in during these young ages as possible...to "prepare" him for school. that's sadly true.

i've always said that we don't do preschool in our family because we are going on to homeschool so we have no need to "get them ready" for school. it just happens naturally here. but i have also always said that i totally understand how families that plan to put their children into the system do absolutely need to prepare them for what is to come. give them a foundation to build upon. i totally agree that in that situation it IS important...because the public school system is so friggin INSANE with how much they are attempting to cram into the little ones at earlier and earlier ages.

just sad, that's all.

one of the gazillion reasons we homeschool...nice to not have the stress of it all. tyren's 3 so i cannot even imagine having to frantically figure out how to get help to begin the cramming.

i actually purposefully delay academics. although less so with tyr then maeve...sib issue, of course. kinda like they do with waldorf, but not to the extreme that they take it (actually distracting them from learning their alphabet and such) ...i'm ok with him picking up whatever he picks up naturally. he already knows his alphabet for the most part and can count pretty dang well. and i don't recall ever "teaching" him any of this. course, pbs is always cramming all sorts of info at the kids...and there are lots of computer games he plays that enforce this sort of thing, so i'm sure that and big sister is where he got it all.

i HAVE, however, thought of preschool for tyr (although nixed the idea cuz we just don't have the money) simply so that i would have more time to work with maeven on the stuff i feel she should be learning...i have heard of homeschooling families that do that and it seemed like a good idea. but i have nana. :) my mom isn't working anymore, so i'll be using her to take the little bugger off my hands regularly so i have time to work with maeve.

which reminds me...i need to get working on the rest of my plan for next week! i am trying to be ready to start full speed ahead on monday (or tuesday, if daddy's home on monday...still haven't gotten word on that yet).

time to get back to work!!

i feel gypped

it seriously sucks to be a mongrel sometimes. i mean without a culture. like a REAL culture.

maeven and i have been reading the "all-of-a-kind-family" series. (just finished the second book today.) which is about a large jewish family in the early 1900s. and we watched "fiddler on the roof" this weekend. and so i have been doing a lot of thinking about how i feel gypped out of a culture.

there are so many traditions and celebrations and just really neat family stuff that jewish families have that i don't have. and not just jewish people...i know that all sorts of cultures have neat traditions and celebrations: mexican, hmong, armenian, japanese, chinese, etc etc etc...seems like every culture out there has neat traditions but the boring generic caucasian mongrel that i am.

well that's not entirely true because i did grow up in a very lively, very family oriented family. but i seem to have lost that. we never had our own culture, but we got to experience other cultures living there...i remember many italian festivals and celebrations when we lived in sicily...and i remember participating in all sorts of japanese cultural events, dancing, food, etc when we lived in okinawa. our lives were always full of that sort of stuff growing up.

and my family was all about love and traditions and music and singing. we didn't have lots of family around us so we adopted people into our family. here we have family and we are pretty close to them but the celebrations and traditions just don't feel the same. not sure how to put it into words. i SO long for cultural events like may day parties and christmas parties and regular family weddings (so far ours is the only one in our family and the way things look now we may have the only wedding ever...i dunno but just doesn't seem weddings will be in the future for anyone else...hope not, but seems that way.) and pig pickings (that was a tradition we participated in in north carolina) and o-bon (not sure how to spell it...but it was the day of the dead festival in okinawa where we danced the night away in a big community circle dance, as i recall)...and square dancing nights and music music music and dancing and SINGING!

when i was growing up there was SO MUCH SINGING!! we don't have that in our little family so much...i try to get it going and the kids are not starving for songs...we play music a lot and i try to sing with them a lot but its not the same as what i grew up with with my dad leading the singing at church (he was a pastor) and leading singing at all sorts of gatherings and we often passed the time in the car for long rides with lots of family singing (rounds and singing parts and just oh so fun! we didn't usually have a car stereo and we took lots of trips.)...adam doesn't sing. i can't change that about him but i am sad about it. its just not who he is and its all about who my dad is so there's one thing that is different about him than my dad and it makes me sad. :( my dad has a great booming voice and my childhood is full of memories of singing happily along with him. and i don't think he sings with my kids though...i need to try to change that...encourage him to sing with them. he's got to share that with them. he's such an awesome singer!

i find myself so often yearning for what i'm missing from my childhood...wanting recreate so much...wanting to create gatherings for local families to create that community that i miss having. i was always a part of a community growing up...a church community. its very sad now that i don't feel comfortable with religion anymore that i'm missing that community. but i know i can get that community without the religion so i am trying to figure out how.

anyway i feel sad for what my kids are missing. i had such a joyful and enriching childhood. there's so much i experienced that i really appreciate now. so much culture and community, so much tradition, so much music and laughter and love. i know we have lots of laughter and love but we need the community and the culture.

i often wish i was of a different culture. not a caucasian mongrel. it seems easier to get what i am missing if you are of a culture that that is just a part of. oh to be an italian in the middle of a loud, loving, boisterous italian family! or a jewish family! how cool would that be? but i cannot create culture where there isn't. i'm not italian. i'm not jewish. i didn't marry into a culture. so i have to figure it out some other way.

maybe someday we'll move to a little town with lots of community. someplace that will have lots of music and singing and gatherings with food and fun and friends and laughter and love and none of the dysfunction that seems so prevalent everywhere these days. *sigh* if only there were a utopian society somewhere that i could just move our family to and live happily ever after. i know i'll never have all that i want. and i need to be happy where i'm at. its just so hard when you read these wonderful books about all these wonderfully beautiful family and culture traditions and know we have none of that and how my kids are really deprived of so many things that i really want for them. :(

but i never give up trying to create things for them. i'm still trying! i'm never going to give up!!!