Sunday, February 06, 2005

emotional wreck

i don't know if its the migraines or the hormones or what...but it seems like lately i'm just an emotional wreck. everything stresses me out...i had a breakdown yesterday...i am not a cryer...not even a whole lot when my son died...although it was a lot for me, but you'd have thought i would have cried for days on end, i certainly deserved to....i just am not real good at crying...its just not something that i do very often. but yesterday i broke down and got some of the stress out...just it all piles up on me sometimes and i feel so overwhelmed by life...i don't think a day goes by that i'm not second guessing everything i do and feeling like i'm just doing a crappy job and most everything...especially being a mom and wife.

i think, i hope, this is hormone related and grief related...and probably quite normal...i don't think i'm spiralling out of control nor do i need professional help. all i need is time. things just get overwhelming when you're pregnant...compound that with the fact that i was pregnant less than a year ago and my baby died when he was being born...well, who wouldn't be stressed out? i'm sure its just creeping into all aspects of my life right now...that's probably why i just feel like everything stresses me out and i'm just not capable of doing well at anything...it has to be baelin related....i would think.

i talk about it alot, so it's not like i keep it all in. i write and talk and talk and write. so i'm probably going to be ok...just need to get through this.

lordy i wish i could fast forward to july and be holding my precious LIVING child in my arms and finally find peace.

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