Friday, August 18, 2006

a little vent...ok a big vent

up early today...tyren was thrashing this morning as usual and then i had to pee...luckily he went back to sleep and its given me a little time to myself...we'll see how long it lasts...

but i have been really enjoying blogging lately so i thought "hey! i'll go write in my blog!" :)

so lets see...there was something i was wanting to say and now i'm forgetting what it was...

well lets vent... hehe

you know what i hate? i hate getting parenting advice when its not wanted. when i complain to anyone about something happening with my children my purpose is to vent...get it out...play a little sob story out and then move on...it just feels better to talk it out and complain. but unfortunately there are people in my life...and i'm not referring to just one person...there are several...who seem to feel that when i'm venting about my troubles with one or both of my kids that i'm asking for a way to fix it. i'm not.

its just getting very old. the funny thing is that this trait of thinking that you have to fix things is supposed to be a male trait, isn't it? well i have male AND female people in my life both doing this! it is really annoying. why can't i just vent? i'm not looking for you to tell me how i should be parenting!

i KNOW that i should be doing this that and the other thing....i KNOW maeven needs to have a routine (tyren too, but especially maeven) i KNOW my house needs to be cleaner...i KNOW that i need to figure out some new ways to discipline because some of them aren't working...why must people tell me things i already know?

you know what it says to me when people tell me things i already know? it tells me they think i'm an idiot! its like how my dad used to always say (over and over and over and overrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr again!!!! argh!) how i need to make sure to check and change the oil in my car because "you know, tina, you can ruin your engine if you drive it without oil." and i'd say "i KNOW DAD!" you've only told me this since before i started driving and i've heard it about a million times. that always made me feel like he was treating me like a baby...like i was some kind of idiot that didn't know this and had to be told it repeatedly. really infuriated me. (thank god he finally stopped doing this...at least with that particular example, LOL!)

i feel the same way about when people state the obvious to me about my parenting. when i complain about something with my children and they tell me something i already know...friggin annoying! and when they try to come up with a solution to a problem i'm having and i didn't even ask for help...well it would be ok if it was something that they don't do over and over and over and OVER again...but it gets very very old when it feels like every single time that i am complaining that they have to give advice. ARGH!!!

i'm not sure how to tell people to just let it go! i don't want to hurt feelings, so i vent here and hope they don't know who they are. or hope they don't read this, lol!

i guess i could figure out a way to tell them to back off...kindly...but that's just way hard for me. i don't want to hurt feelings and i don't want to say things in such a way that i might ruin the relationship.

*sigh*

i was thinking about this the other day and wondering if i do this same thing to other people...do i offer suggestions when they are not wanted? hmmmm...i don't think i do, but i'll have to watch and see. i thought about this after a conversation with one of my friends and i am pretty sure that when she was venting that i just pretty much said "that sucks". LOL or "that's hard". i think that's what most of need to hear when we are venting about parenting issues, unless we specifically ask for advice...just want to know that other people know what we're going through. misery loves company. it does help to hear someone say that they've been through the same thing...but not in a way that says "well WE don't have that problem with our child anymore because WE do this this and this..."

but anyway i'm going to try to watch myself and see how i respond to vents now cuz i want to make sure i'm not also doing this to other people. its possible i am...i am so not flawless...i know i talk too much and i have many many things that probably annoy the crap outta people. i could drive myself nuts picking at all that's wrong with me...but it just doesn't feel necessary. like someone wise told me recently.. "go easy on yourself mama!" moms are probably the hardest on ourselves. i'm trying not to be. its not productive.

2 comments:

  1. Omgosh you just totally described my mother and I. OH it completely sucks! Her usual response is usually "Well, you WANTED to be a mother." Like I'm regretting that now or didn't know that or something. Totally drives me insane. Good luck and thinking of you all. Miss our conversations.

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  2. awww, thanks april! sorry you have this problem with your mom. :( its really annoying, isn't it? ugh. some days i get really worked up about it, as is obvious in this post. it just pisses me off to no end to keep getting advice when i'm not asking for it. *sigh*

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