Sunday, August 05, 2007

i am who i am

i bet there are plenty of people that don't like me. actually i know that there are. there was a time when that would bug me. after managing local groups and websites and egroups for years now, it doesn't bother me anymore. i know for a fact that there are people, local and online, that hate my guts even. *shrug* i find it interesting.

i'm not an in-your-face, aggressive type person...i'm actually not entirely certain what makes some people hate me. but i don't have the energy to worry about it. i have too many important things to worry about. its not my job to make people like me. if they don't, they don't.

i do know that i have a strong personality. perhaps that's what rubs people the wrong way sometimes. i definitely am not a person that just blends into the scenery and you don't really notice me. i'm sure i have my moments, in places where i maybe don't feel very comfortable...but that's very few and far between. i feel very comfortable, for the most part, amongst new situations and people. can't help it when i grew up in the military, moving every 2 or 3 years, having to start from scratch with new friends and new home and new neighborhood and even new countries! can't help but just learn to be very adaptable. i actually find new things exciting.

but i do come on strong sometimes, i know...particularly about topics that i am passionate about. those topics vary month to month. and as the years go by, some topics cycle and some disappear...like, for example, i've been a strong breastfeeding advocate, and a natural birth advocate and an anti-circumcision advocate...but my youngest is now 2years old and frankly, i just don't have the energy to continue to be so passionate about topics that are quickly moving out of my life. we're (hopefully) in our last year of nursing...he's already intact and i don't have the energy to try to talk anyone else out of circing, when it seems no one really listens to me anyway...and natural birth...well, i've struck out 3 times with that. its a sore topic and i just really am not interested in diving into it anymore...i have more important things to think about.

right now my passion is homeschooling and specifically secular charlotte mason. and i would add to that list quality, non-violent, open-ended toys for children...those are my main passions right now. don't get me wrong, i will always be pro-breastfeeding and pro-natural birth and anti-circumcision, etc...but i just don't have time for the topics nor do i have much interest in them anymore. i'm tired of them. moving on to non-baby topics. its very refreshing actually.

anyway the topic for this ramble is taht "i am who i am" though...

i think my inlaws think i'm a hippie freak. particularly amusing to me because i know real hippie freaks and i definitely do not qualify. i'm not a vegetarian nor an active environmentalist...i don't eliminate plastic or toxins from our lives...i'm not wearing nor dressing my kids in all organic clothing...i'm not actively protesting anything...i'm not anywhere near what i would consider a "hippie". but i do take it as a compliment because my view of what hippies are (not all, but the ones that i know) are people that are strong in their alternative lifestyle and convictions. i am strong in my convictions but just not in the convictions that i would label as "hippie."

but i guess my breastfeeding, anti-circumcision, pro-natural birth, homeschooling, babywearing, co-sleeping, babywearing (well, former), gentle discipline (no spanking) person that i am must seem pretty alternative and "hippie freak"-ish to them, maybe? so weird to me because i am so middle of the road in my world. i do come on strong with my topics of interest at times (trying really hard not to) but i'm still pretty middle of the road. i'm definitely not mainstream, but i'm not super alternative either.

people who don't like me or understand me i guess just don't get someone who marches to a different drummer. i do question things. alot. i don't question EVERYTHING...and frankly i'm tired of doubting things, but i still can't help but doubt because i have learned SOOOO much on so many topics that i'm far too educated to just sit back and accept things without question. there's just way too much that is misinformation out there so i tend to doubt more than i like, but i still won't go back to just accepting without research. i can't. sometimes i wish i was less educated, but i still wouldn't change things.

anyway, those are my thoughts on a sunday morning.

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