last night my darling husband (DH) accused me of being antisocial! ME! unbelievable! it was because we were at a family gathering (his family) for a birthday celebration and i wasn't, apparently, mingling to his satisfaction. he kept bugging me about it, presumably because he worried what his family would think. he drives me nuts sometimes! i was NOT being antisocial!
i think the reason i wasn't mixing and mingling as he would like for several reasons...one was that i was really very tired/sleepy and i'm not really sure why but i just was. another was that i was focusing on keeping my 3yr old in sight and from doing anything that would warrant a "NO!" from anyone but me. (i cannot stand it if someone else disciplines my children when i'm right there...so i try to keep an eagle eye on them as much as possible). my mother-in-laws condo (where we were celebrating) is really nice, and not super child-friendly in that there's plenty of things that a rambunctious 3yr old could mess with, so i wanted to keep the mood happy by keeping him out of trouble...he can wreak quite a bit of havoc in our own home and so i'm understandably watchful of him elsewhere. he actually did really good, but the eagle eye was necessary to keep it that way.
anyway, i also have been tending towards feeling less joyous at the noise and chaos of many family gatherings (although last night was actually pretty nice...not as raucous as other events have been...and come to think of it, thanksgiving actually was pretty nice too)...so for some reason its brought out the (well hidden) introvert in me lately. very weird for people that know me because i really am not an introvert, for the most part...but the louder the noise level, and the less comfortable i am in my surroundings, the more likely i am to revert to introvert. i'm actually ok with this. its not a problem, really. not everyone likes to be extroverted all the time...and i actually am finding some peace in pulling into myself during the times when i'm simply not feeling like "mingling".
i'm NOT being antisocial, for pete's sake! i just find a little peace in not jumping into every conversation going on in the room. i prefer to watch my children (keep them in check...because they absolutely respond to the noise level and chaos in part) and just veg sometimes. and dh pointing out this personality change just really bugged me last night!
i know its because he worries it will be interpreted as me being snotty or unfriendly to his family or something along those lines...but seriously, that's NOT what it was about! why can't i just be quiet sometimes? sheesh!
sure, i was sitting with my back to many of the chatters for a lot of the time...but that's because i was LOOKING AT MY CHILDREN! (mostly tyr) and there were people over in that direction i did chat with a little for part of the evening...and i did get involved in a tiny bit of the conversations in the rest of the room here and there...
anyway, i just don't like being accused of being antisocial, i guess. because i'm about as far from that as could possibly be, for the most part. and i'm ok with sometimes not being super life of the party because others hold the spotlight in different gatherings (actually, come to think of it, there's a LOT of really strong personalities in adam's family...so sometimes its just easier to take a step down). i'm not the sort that has to always be in the spotlight. i have my moments, sure...but usually those happen when i'm somewhere where i really know the people i'm demanding the spotlight from. otherwise it just seems rude and pushy and i don't like to have the spotlight that way. i constantly worry, then, if i'm annoying people. (because it has been known to happen on occasion, oh yes! LOL!)
so basically, i was fine with how last night went. i felt dh was making a problem where there wasn't one, and he just wasn't getting that. perhaps it was the vicodin talking. he's on pain killers due to having 2 of his wisdom teeth yanked friday.
now adam, he DOES tend to be the life of the party at his family gatherings...and frankly, at a lot of mine as well...which is funny because he's not like that with everyone. just where he feels comfortable. the rest of the time, he just sinks into the background and that tends to be normal for him. he pretty equally goes back and forth between life and wallflower depending on the crowd. and he seems really ok with it, its just how he is. and i'm ok with it too. i guess he just feels like something's wrong if i'm not out there mingling sufficiently. which is strange because as the years go by, i'm more and more comfortable just enjoying the gathering from a distance...i don't HAVE to be constantly talking with someone or being heard. i'm actually pretty happy with this because there was a time when i DID have to be more the life of the party. i've grown out of it, i guess.